this so called "experience"
When I told people about my excursion, everyone has something to say.
"This will be the trip of a lifetime."
"Oh, you're going to change so much."
"You'll be a different person when you come back."
I didn't put too much thought into this because I didn't necessarily want to change. I wasn't going on this adventure to "find myself." I liked who I was/ am, whatever tense it should be in. I felt comfortable with myself and not many people can say that at my age.
However, things seeped into my head and during this trip I was waiting for an experience to happen here and BOOM, I'd be a different person or feel different. And not feel different as in the way vietnamese food makes me feel.
So far, this "experience" has not happened yet. I wont lie, I started to feel discouraged. Did I do something wrong in how I'm traveling? Did I have the "experience" and just miss it? What if I don't have this "experience", what does that mean for me as a person?
You already can tell I was overthinking... like I always do.
What I recently just realized though, is that's not how this is suppose to work. No single "experience" can BOOM change you as a pesron. It's a slow process and the tiny "experiences" along the way shape the change in you. So maybe what people were talking about is the entire trip, not each country and city and excursion you do will be a BOOM.
So after talking myself down, I came to a conclusion. I can keep traveling with the thought and aniticipation of an "experience" waiting to happen and once it happened, I can move on along with my life peacefully. I can come back to the states and tell everyone, "YES YES it did happen to me, I'm a new woman." OR I can stop waiting and realize the tiny experiences, both good and bad are more important than one big "experience."
I really don't care if I've change as a person or not. I'm even more comfortable with who I am now then before. I can tell you there are newer things I'm interested in or things I just don't like but that shouldn't sum me up in whether or not I've changed.
Basically, if you partake in an adventure like mine and are expecting for something big to happen hoping it will completely change who you are, you'll be disappointed. This trip should be more to you than changing the person you are. My adventure should only enhance me as a the person I already am, notchange me from person A to person B.
After all this ranting on and on, I can tell you one new thing about me - I become a cranky bitch after any sort of long traveling. But again... who doesn't?!?!